I used to think that my life (that I lived and experienced) defined who I was.
For every negative and challenging experience, I would consume myself in mind thoughts. Replaying the situation or conversation over and over in my head until it made some sort of sense to me or until it at least directed me on what to do next.
Little did I know that I was influencing and controlling a reality that never needed to exist.
The concept of living life without a constant stream of mind chatter was completely foreign to me.
My awakening (of myself as such) was when I heard Eckhart Tolle explain that boredom is the mind’s resistance to the moment of the NOW.
The moment of the NOW (the only time that is real) was a strange concept, and one that I battled to comprehend for a number of months.
To live a life outside of my mind was like nothing I had ever experienced.
Unbeknown to me, I realised that I had spent most of the 45 years of my life being a prisoner of my own mind.
“I wonder what I have done to upset my partner. I should prepare myself for a discussion.”
“My partner hasn’t been himself these last couple of days.”
“I am never going to progress at work. I will need to look for another job.”
“I didn’t get the promotion at work.”
When I came to you I was lost... Lost in my thoughts, lost in my feelings.... just lost.
I didn't understand my mind and how it was suffocating my heart... my true.
Coming and seeing you that Monday was life changing and even though I have the occasional relapse in my thoughts, I know that I can always talk to you and you will release me from my thoughts.”
N. Micallef, Munno Para West SA